it's cold

today is blah,
it's a cold world right now.
but ironically it is a beautiful sunny day in vancouver.
and
i'm feeling pretty blah.

clean slate

hmm clean slate.

it's a new year and nothing big has changed about myself. but i think it's darn time i start writing again. i must say i have been inspired all over again - from life. my life is just strolling by and that's that. i'm just cruising on by, trying to figure out life but a pace I am satisfied with. * besides i have a feeling that 2010 is going to be better than 2009 i hope! it just sounds nice too :) so cheers to the new year and cheers to the new beginnings of writing my absurd and sometimes sane feelings to the world.

how do i feel and what did i realize today?

i have been reading blogs all day today @ work and it made me realize ... do not listen to others when it comes to breaks! breaks mean 3429409 effings things. and that will never change. a "break" in definition will always be hazy to you and me so instead of wondering do yourself a favour and ask before you continue this acclaimed break. it's just trouble when you wonder and then rules break and hearts break too. so ASK. and it's true breaks MAY lead to break-ups or let's be optimistic and say breaks could also mean:

- time to figure out what you really want
- giving space to think before it all blows up
- proof that if the foundation you've built together is really strong enough
- straight up down time for yourself.
- or * the other person just wants to better themselves for one another

you can't fix it if you don't step back to give yourself time to realize what're you doing that is causing you take this breather. sometimes in relationships, i can attest to this, sometimes you start to change. you either change in a way where you cant even recognize yourself - good or bad. but if this change is NOT good then step the F back and see what you need to do to make some changes, if you really want it to work. i like to call these breathers. remember we were all single and independent before, it may be rough when you're madly in love with your special someone but c'mon you'll be okay. so let's call these breathers shall we.

I thought writing things down would make me listen to myself more. make me realize things for myself once it's been written. we'll see!

the reason.

yenno how every year we ask ourselves at the beginning of the season as to why are we here? why are we still committed to doing what we're still doing since eight grade? why do we need this in our life? etc.

i just got an email from nina and it stated,

Hi All,

Just wanted to share a compliment given by Dr. Greg Kennedy of Corpus Chirsti College in an email he sent me:

"You and your choral brethren absolutely ravished me at the installation. I hadn't realized how famished I was for beauty until I heard you singing."

Let's keep up the wonderful work!

* this is why.

gotta keep singing because we make people feel like this and that.
to me that's the best feeling i have ever gotten from singing.



that is why i am still in the game.

helloooooooooo

helloooooooooooo honeyyyymooon

i wouldn't trade it for anything right now.
i know it can be difficult as hell.
but at the end of the day,
i still think it's worth it.
as frustrated as i get when i see this, i forget all about it.
and that strikes me.

i'm spun up over it, no matter when where and what.
i could care less.
it has got me going in circles.
but again it's worth it. i hope.

not quite sure why. but my gut won't let it go?
so i think it's worth it
no matter how bad it gets.
i'm still in it. and
i'm content.
even if i don't feel or seem it.
there is something that makes me adore this more than i thought i could even feel for myself.
thanks

even heart don't have the heart to say..

to say what i really want to.

damnt.

you either ignore your intuitions because you're afraid of the consequences. or sometimes you ignore them because it may cause more havoc to may be a havoc to begin with. so the confusion leaves you hanging until you either stop thinking about it (purposely or not purposely) or you deal with it. if you can.

not hard to tell.

at least i don't think so.

so here's the thing that i'm not gonna admit.
i'm not gonna admit it for a long time.
but maybe i do.
and maybe i am.

on a side note: weather has been good to vancouver - finally. it's that time of the year where i get super tanned (except for my face damn't!) but i'm loving it. i've actually been really active more than ever lately it's great! i have been running and biking and i've been playing tennis baseball and basketball! the whole shibang.

travel wise: i would love to go to miami this summer. so let's do this! and i wanna send my parents to vegas (:

another plan: i want to wear more dresses.

ps. i miss my grandma, i'm gonna go call her soon <3

nas - memory lane