the reason.

yenno how every year we ask ourselves at the beginning of the season as to why are we here? why are we still committed to doing what we're still doing since eight grade? why do we need this in our life? etc.

i just got an email from nina and it stated,

Hi All,

Just wanted to share a compliment given by Dr. Greg Kennedy of Corpus Chirsti College in an email he sent me:

"You and your choral brethren absolutely ravished me at the installation. I hadn't realized how famished I was for beauty until I heard you singing."

Let's keep up the wonderful work!

* this is why.

gotta keep singing because we make people feel like this and that.
to me that's the best feeling i have ever gotten from singing.



that is why i am still in the game.

helloooooooooo

helloooooooooooo honeyyyymooon

i wouldn't trade it for anything right now.
i know it can be difficult as hell.
but at the end of the day,
i still think it's worth it.
as frustrated as i get when i see this, i forget all about it.
and that strikes me.

i'm spun up over it, no matter when where and what.
i could care less.
it has got me going in circles.
but again it's worth it. i hope.

not quite sure why. but my gut won't let it go?
so i think it's worth it
no matter how bad it gets.
i'm still in it. and
i'm content.
even if i don't feel or seem it.
there is something that makes me adore this more than i thought i could even feel for myself.
thanks

even heart don't have the heart to say..

to say what i really want to.

damnt.

you either ignore your intuitions because you're afraid of the consequences. or sometimes you ignore them because it may cause more havoc to may be a havoc to begin with. so the confusion leaves you hanging until you either stop thinking about it (purposely or not purposely) or you deal with it. if you can.

not hard to tell.

at least i don't think so.

so here's the thing that i'm not gonna admit.
i'm not gonna admit it for a long time.
but maybe i do.
and maybe i am.

on a side note: weather has been good to vancouver - finally. it's that time of the year where i get super tanned (except for my face damn't!) but i'm loving it. i've actually been really active more than ever lately it's great! i have been running and biking and i've been playing tennis baseball and basketball! the whole shibang.

travel wise: i would love to go to miami this summer. so let's do this! and i wanna send my parents to vegas (:

another plan: i want to wear more dresses.

ps. i miss my grandma, i'm gonna go call her soon <3

nas - memory lane

got it locked down.

good damn, after 8 freaking years you'd think i would have know better but finally.

you can't please everyone and remember people make mistakes and in most cases when it comes to friendships they're careless ones or ones that you should most willing be able to be understanding about it. you fight argue bicker over little or big things but if your friendship means anything to you, you will fix it. and if you don't. then you're either too stuck up for your own good, a stubborn bitch, or not a real friend.

or heck, let's be real and face the facts that you can't stand her cause there something about her that you just don't have or you can't be HER! it's sick shit but that is what happens when you live in a girls world. would you say it's rare that guys undertake these things. so clearly we need to face it, i've heard and seen it all and i'm tired of it. it's happened to me or to my friends countless times and what a good friend told me to withstand my sanity was "who gives a fuck." in conclusion we are no longer here to please, befriend, or fake another friendship you. so consider yourself lucky that we are again no longer wasting our minutes of the day wondering why you dislike us. thank God.

it's a waste of time. and it's been a waste of time. you can only hold so much patience for certain people. and if you see a problem or concern about either party then call it out if it means any f*cking thing to you. (i guess we just don't cut it for you even after all these years or months of knowing you.) shame.

inconsistent friendships when you're good and super close then bam you just front them differently another time is a load of bull. or you're super nice to all her hommies except for a few odds is also a bigger load of shit. shows what kind of person you are. so logically, let's cut you out.

finally.

cause at the end of day, it's not our loss well certainly not mine. * wouldn't you rather bask in a worth while and more valued friendship then to waste your time trying to maintain and satisfy something that we just can't do for YOU. bigger shame.

so let's cut you (some of you) out.

i apologize for being so blunt. have a good day!

*ps. i think i've been reading way too many blogs from whatthehellz.com dang.

chasin

“if u dont love me, somebody else will. so dont u ever get too comfortable” - lil wayne

the honeymoon stage is always WONDERFUL. butterflies at the sight of his name on ur phone, that giddy-i’m-a-little-girl feeling everytime he says ur name, and the euphoric lets-get-lifted “love” fills the air. he goes out of his way to do any and everything to be with u and the little things are always taken into account. “like a shot of hennessey, honey he chasin u.” - rae rosero

andd thennnn that shit gets old. and all of a sudden everything he does is fucking annoying the shit outta u and u can’t STAND another second and ur plotting how to smother him with ur pillow when he’s sleeping. the muthafucka actin like ur pussy got an expiration date and shit and lets himself go and barely has the time to text you good morning let alone take ur ass out.

so.. what the fuck happened? the chase is over and he is no longer paying u any mind. and then we get all upset but say we arent but we really are and we start resenting the guy cuz his ass SHOULD JUST KNOW, right?

wrong.

i been with my husband for 7 years and i’d like to believe that we still keep shit interesting so lemme just share some tips on how to keep each other interested after the honeymoon phase has gone to shit.

for the ladies:

1. COMMUNICATE - and i dont mean anything along the lines of nagging, or bitching cuz TRUST that shit goes in one ear and out the other. i actually mean communicating. when ur upset, let him know. when something bothers u… speak on it. the only way to fix things is to keep the line of commication open or else u’ll find urself blowing up over the stupidest shit and then ur the one who looks like the crazy bitch.

2. HE AIN’T EDWARD CULLEN. and this is such blasphemy coming from the biggest twihard on the planet but ur dude aint a knight in shining armor. he has not come into ur life to fix everything that is broken with u. he aint a basketball player, or a prince, or a rapper. he’s just an ordinary dude who you love so get over the illusion of what u want him to be and accept him for who he is. realize what’s real and what he actually has to offer u cuz it should suit u just fine.

3. KNOW YOURSELF. if u dont know urself.. if u aint right within u, then please dont expect a man to even try and know u. i get it. we women. we complicated as fuck. but how are we ever gonna try and give any of ourselves to someone if we cant get it right in our own head. get ur mind right and then share it. cuz it dont work the other way around. as soon as we get to the point of RESPECT for ourselves, then we can begin to respect someone else as a whole. and only then, is respect is reciprocated fully.

4. LEARN HOW TO BE FLEXIBLE. there aint nobody exactly like u. (how boring would that be dating urself anyways?) so instead of picking and critisizing the differences between u and him, learn to love them and accept them and learn from them. i promise you, you will be a much better person if u allow urself to be open instead of wishing he were different. be his rock and he’ll be the same for you.

5. STOP ASSUMING. and this goes hand in hand with number 1. i know as women we swear like we know everything and we’d bet our first born child that we know what our men is thinking. but real talk, we dont. u have to understand the psyche of a man and realize that they do not have the ability to mind read (like my man Edward Cullen). so stop assuming he knows that ur upset and that he knows why cuz i promise he dont. dont assume he’ll do something cuz ur last bf did cuz they two different people. assumptions lead to miscommunication and then disappointment so if u dont have any ointment for that butthurt, stop assuming shit. if u dont know, ASK. if ur unsure if he gets it, SPEAK. lead by example, and he’ll follow.

6. LET HIM BE UR BF(F). if u ever wana get to that place with him u gotta let him be there for u. if u cant talk to him about ur problems, then why the fuck u guys together? stop yappin ur bizness to ur girlfriends and take ur shit strait to the source. i mean, thats what girlfriends are for, but i promise u that we get tired of hearing about how much of an asshole he is, and then watch as u sit there and do nothing about it. man the fuck up and let him be ur man. $10 says he dont even know u mad. (and again, see #1)

for the fellas, i only got two words of advice for you:

1. PAY ATTENTION. i cannot stress this enough that its the little things that fucking matter. u complain that we always naggin and bitchin but thats only cuz u dont hear shit until the 10th time we’ve said it! put the ps3 controller down, turn the porn off, pause the fucking Raider game (thats what they made dvr for anyways), and just pay attention. u aint foolin nobody tellin me u can multitask. that tv got u in tunnel vision and u dont even notice we’re in ur favorite lace bra and panty set. and i KNOW that video game dont give u a raging boner like ur lady does so give her some respect. if u hear her say she cravin chocolate, bring her favorite kind and ur pogi points will soar thru the roof! trustttt! this aint game its just common sense! (i could write a whole fucking book about this shit but ima cut it short cuz im sure u get the picture)

2. SPEAK ON IT. please give us more feedback than “yeah”, “uh huh” and “thats cool”. let us know that we lookin extra fly today. tell me that uve noticed my waist getting thinner. let me know that you heard me so i dont have to repeat myself. this goes back to item #1 for the ladies… communication is KEY. and even if u aint the kinda guy thats GOOD at getting ur point accross, all u gotta do is try. u do not have a mute button so please make use of ur vocal chords and let us know!

and ta-muthafuckin-da. “u dont have to be perfect love, as long as ur willing to learn” - estelle. its all a learning process… but as long as u put in some effort, it will be noticed and reciprocated… and then ur happy asses can be all caked and shit and live happily ever after. the end.

* couldn't have said it myself, for sure, this is so good.

say it do it

“guys and girls are only FRIENDS because the girl keeps it that way.” - James P.

u know those guys… the ones that u date that automatically assume ur fuckin around with EVERY guy u say hi to? those insecure guys who give every human born with a penis the evil eye as soon as u introduce him as your “friend”. the guys that are too paranoid that they go into ur phone and delete ever number attached with a masculine name. all the while, this same guy is takin out his homegirl to dinner cuz she just broke up with her man. ummm… WHAT?

why is it, that men cannot seem to fathom the idea that men and women can just be friends? or wait.. lemme rephrase that. they cannot comprehend the idea of their girlfriend having a platonic relationship with another man.

ok ok, sometimes guys are too much. and sometimes they swear their game is tight and we’ll just get swept off our feet. and sometimes they’re a little too agressive when they know they need to just back the fuck off. but has it ever occured to you gentlemen that we, as your women, will sometimes ALWAYS know when to put our foot down. that when another man says that we’re pretty, us saying “thank you” does not translate to “lets have sex.” that we dress up to go out, not to impress anyone else, but so that we don’t waste the pretty. “If you don’t want men calling your girlfriend pretty - date someone ugly.” - Hayati

male/female platonic relationships are possible. they are real, and they happen everyday.. and although in some cases, one person wants more out of the relationship than the other, most of the time when she says he’s just a friend, HE’S REALLY JUST A FRIEND.

and i know it goes both ways and we already know there are some scandalous ass females out there but this blog isnt about that.. we dont go around calling every woman in ur phone book askin her how she know u and if u guys have dated now do we? (or well.. i dont, at least)

and its crazy how that intro quote was said by a man.. cuz they swear we have all the power. and WE DO! we say no and we say when to go. (i swear having a vag badge puts u on top of the world).. but fellas can’t u TRUST ur women to do the right thing by you? we aint as shady as u’d like to believe. i promise.

so guys.. ease up on ur lady please! not only do u look crazy and insecure, but it brings ur pogi points down by at least 5. remember, ur still the one dickin her down at night. RELAX or you’ll head from “boyfriend” to “just a friend” in no time.

* whoa tell me like it is. this is a good and realistic read.

word x 89

www.whatthehellz.com

the fuss

hmmm, what to do?
i'm wiser than before,
that i know.
but what to do?

where do you spend your time and effort?
and you can hope that whatever situation you're investing in is ... not has, but is worth your good while.
or you can just let go.
but chances are you're going to consider all the risks.
then you're going to regret.

play safe?
i don't know.
i rather not in a way,
but i'll keep in the back of my mind, indefinitey.

blah blah blah

* i sang for real today. and it was so intense and new for me. what an experience. I have so many vocal techninques that i've learned that i have fully realized i dont know what is my own voice. I have trained for so many years to adapt to certain styles. but to be able to openly express myself as in art has been quite the experience.

* work is always fun. a little 3 year old asked me if i missed my mom with sincerity and it was the sweetest thing ever. i love watching them grow or how they act or react to things that have been said and done. you only get to see such things at that age, and i enjoy those little tweaks and kicks that these toddlers have.

less than 2 weeks until my ma comes home. let's party.

good?

whether things are bad, what are you gonna do about it?
how worthy is this situation.
and how do you tolerate your emotional anger
to compensate what needs to be resolved
but along the process the solution becomes almost unconventional.
to the point where you cannot even break it down for the intial reasons.
now there is more than what is being said.
behind the words, you really really mean something else.
and when you can admit to such bravery
how valuable is the outcome to you.
what is it going to do for you.
was it worth it?

?

it's that little hunch that you can't put your finger on it.
but you felt different
and you also thought different for a split second.
it was strange, it still is strange.
but it's something else alright.
but in conclusion to this absurd thought on it, i'm planning to do absolutely nothing about it.
for now ...

and how do you know what's good for you.
they say when it feels like it's not steady.
you're on the ball.

so many contradictions in life.
but im good to go for them.

blah blah blah again,
goodnight

mary go around - musiq

done son

cheers to me my friends. I am officially done my paper, now all i have to do is just gather all my required documents and send it off. Then i can go enjoy this sunshine. it is a rather sweeet deal.

ps, the vegas, la, or miami?

in any case, i'm going to one of those places. i'm super ecstatic :)

another rainy day - corinne bailey rae.
(hello to not raining at all!)

Time and Place

hmmm,
i know its a cliche, but there is a time and a place.
yenno when you meet people at a certain time of the day or wherever you happen to be.
you meet them once, or you luck out and bump into them again.
perhaps you'll be able catch them at a certain personality they have.
or lets just say it really depends. and its a tad difficult to explain this really.
per chance at the time ...
maybe they're too shy to talk
or too drunk to act legit
or you both feel unapproachable.
but chances are you could catch them at either a good or bad time.
and you would only hope you met them at their right time,
their right light.
and unfortunately timing may not be so right.
and you meet them at an inconvenient time,
you may both have a handful life or overly occupied.
or you're getting there.
so maybe theres a next time.
and if you're lucky, you'll catch them again in the future.
or heck, you jump the gun and do something about it.
then it's not so much cliche.

blah blah blah - just a thought before i continue writing my lame paper :p

and i wonder - kanye west

wait a good second,

it's pretty darn rare, this feeling!!
i have been put into this situation.
almost like a golden occurance. and a strange one at that, but a good one.
and i mean that in the most anti-cheesiest way possible.
i wouldn't say i'm necessarily stuck in a rut but
but it feels like it.
but it would not matter any way.
cause if you piece everything together,
none of it really fits. (so to speak);
unless i really wanted it too.
i'm sure none of this makes sense.
but you've or more so something..
the factual..
the object..
the idea..
has caught me off guard.
and to a full fledge extent.
and i'd like to admit, i'm usually on my toes.
but not this time.

i gotta think about this one.

realistically.

debarge - i like it

a sweet deal

i've thought about this for countless months,
to be satisfied with your life
or to strive for something more than what you've always bargained for.
* let it be applicable to anything.
you cannot achieve this immediately, but while it's coming along
sulk it in, nice and slowly.
and yenno that feeling that you're actually content, (which may from time to time include the bad and the ugly).
i am aware it is still rather good.
or maybe im suffering from the idea of being unable to admit it.
but it's pretty darn cool,
and foremost it has come naturally.
it is not instant ...
it's there,
i'm going to let this grow.
i'm good.

aretha franklin - one step ahead

bad

note to self:

* do not dance like a guy, gangster or bboy-like when you're wearing pretty/girly clothes in the club, ah!

you see i thought about it this afternoon instead of focusing on my political science terminology, and i got a good kick out of it. i totally forgot i wasn't wearing my usual (t-shirt and nikes) to a club last weekend :s that mustve looked incredibly ridiculous from an outsiders view. oh boy!

but tis' okay cause I'm going to see dj neil armstrong tomorrow @ shine. and i can groove any way i want there ;) to the good ol' music. however strangely enough or lately people have been wearing their prom dresses there??? so i might just consider! ha ;)

mos def - beauty in the dark
or
isley brothers - groove with you

starts today

song: a little bit of love - brenda russell

* weird all my headings will be words from a song.
i have this major push to blog at this moment of my time.
anyway, weathers looking good and i'm stuck at home reading about our unattainable pan canadian lifestyle for the greater good of canada.
and what i really wanna do is take that offer to go to vegas for $2 smokin dollars.
cause' i need to fly away.